<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>another life. by Caelum</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27959105">another life.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelum/pseuds/Caelum'>Caelum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Everybody Lives, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:22:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,972</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27959105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelum/pseuds/Caelum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In another life, he squeezes his eyes shut just as the shot rings through the air, desperate to not have his wonderful special incredible brain etch the image of Maeve's skull exploding outward behind his eyelids for the rest of his life. </p>
<p>In the dead silence left behind, at that moment his only thought is that he is resoundingly selfish and Maeve deserved to see kind eyes before she died.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maeve Donovan/Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. kind.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In another life, he squeezes his eyes shut just as the shot rings through the air, desperate to not have his <em>wonderful special incredible </em>brain etch the image of Maeve's skull exploding outward behind his eyelids for the rest of his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the dead silence left behind, at that moment his only thought is that he is resoundingly <em>selfish</em> and Maeve deserved to see kind eyes before she died.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes are still shut as his collapses inward, his knee screeching at him for slamming it into the concrete, he can't breathe and he's only intellectually aware that he's sobbing. Someone takes his hands; hesitantly and soft.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Spencer."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knows that voice and his heart jolts then sinks and he realises that <em>this</em> is his <em>stressor</em>- a hand touches his cheek and he shakes his head to dislodge it but it won't leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Spencer. Open your eyes."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He can't deny her. So he does.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's right there. Shaking and scared in front of him, carefully holding his hands. The team is surrounding them and Derek has his hand on her back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No wonder his mother could never see past her delusions if they're this real. He'd guiltily wondered how she couldn't far too many times.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He continues to cry and clutches at her hands. If he's going to break then at least it's with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Come on, you both need to get checked out."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Someone says it, Spencer doesn't care who; he's clutching at Maeve's hands still as they're hauled to their feet and led outside to the EMT.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He's sat on the edge of the ambulance, and never take his eyes off Maeve who sits next to him. He wonders what the EMT sees; Spencer staring into space rather than Maeve's shy <em>beautiful</em> smile. She's still shaking a bit as she takes him in, her hand returning to his cheek time again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I love you." He says, and she grins so beautifully that Spencer decides then and there he doesn't care about anything else but staying here. He'll never take the medication.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The EMT leaves and the team is around them again. Spencer glances at them, before turning back to Maeve. He needs to make sure though. He can't upset his mother with this. He looks at Hotch - because Hotch is his medical proxy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't want to go to Bennington. It would upset my mother too much." They all stare at him. Spencer turns back to Maeve, she's also staring at him, shocked; frowning at him gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Why would you go to Bennington, Spencer?" Hotch asks in the ensuing silence. Spencer smiles at Maeve before turning back to Hotch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'll need long term care, and none of you can do that. My father is out of the question." He says, patiently. He's not sure how much of the conversation he's missing, after all, his mother would jump through conversations back and forth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Why do you need long term care?" Hotch asks, he looks worried, frowning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Spencer?" Maeve asks next to him, "What's wrong?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Spencer turns to her and smiles, and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her hair is soft and her skin is softer. He doesn't answer her. Her eyes widen, she looks heartbroken. He squeezes her hands again, grabbing one of hers in both of his. His larger hands swallow her small hands. It's delicate and beautiful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Spencer. Maeve is alive." Hotch says, grabbing his shoulder. It feels mocking and Spencer turns and slaps his hand away. JJ grabs him and cups his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Spencer, she's not a hallucination, she's real. Derek shot Diane before she could-" Spencer shoves her away hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>"Liar." </em>He hisses. He wasn't going to be bought by it again. Hotch and JJ lie. Maeve grabs him this time and spins him around to face her, cupping his cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Spencer. I'm alive. You and your team saved me. My ears are ringing and my wrists hurt but I'm here. Spencer, I promise, I'm here." She's so earnest and she shaking even more than before. The sounds start ringing in his ears. Her hands shakily move between his hair and face, so earnest and wonderful. But that can't be right-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sirens, Garcia's here? And shes crying. He looks around wildly. The team is there still in their vests, JJ is crying and being held by Emily. Hotch looks like he was to grab him again, his eyes full of guilt and pain. Derek grips his shoulder and he can finally hear what he's saying as he turns to look at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I shot Dianne, Reid. I shot her." Derek doesn't lie. He turns desperately back to Maeve looking her up and down. She's disheveled, and crying and <em>oh god</em>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"<em>Maeve</em>?" His voice breaks, and she nods. He grabs her arms, it's too tight he knows but she grabs him back and pulls him to her. His head tucked in her shoulder and he sobs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're alive." He says. "I love you, I love you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Please." He's babbling and crying. One of her hands is tight in his hair, the other and gliding up and down his back. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's crying too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I love you too," She says, barely getting out the words, "I know, I <em>know</em>-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grabs her tighter and pulls. She's in lap, sideways. Her torso against his, and his wraps an arm around her waist and the other grabs her knee, her thigh, desperately to keep her close.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maeve never lessens her grip on his hair, using it to press his head tighter against her. Her other grasps at his back and his arm and his back again, tight enough that he can feel her nails through his sweater. She's crying now too, heaving sobs, terrified and shaking after all she'd been through.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Spencer pulls back, cupping her face this time, smoothing his thumbs beneath her eyes, catching endless runs of tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's over, it's all over, it's okay," he kisses her forehead softly, and Maeve gasps, tucking her face into his neck this time, burying herself against him. He holds her tight, and curls around her. He looks blearily up at the team who are smiling now but no less worried.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Derek smiles wider and claps his shoulder, careful over Maeve buried on the other side, "Let's get you kids home," lightly shoving him. Had they been cleared by the EMT? He wondered and went to ask but Maeve is shaking her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No, not home, please-" she sounds raw and miserable and Spencer is already shaking his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"My apartment," he says and Maeve is nodding against. She hasn't looked up at all and Spencer <em>worries</em> but she's here. Shes actually here, and real and <em>not dead</em> and a part of him thinks he should be worried about how quickly he had been to just accept the concept of a breakdown in his own mind but- Derek nudges him up again and Spencer doesn't hesitate in hooking an arm under Maeve knees and standing with her. Derek looks surprised, and Spencer a little surprised too but he's still full of adrenaline and Maeve is lighter than maybe she should be, he can't let her go, he can't he can't he can't-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Into the car." Hotch is opening the door, "Neither of you is going to be alone right now. We're going to Rossi's." Spencer went to disagree as he shuffled himself side aways in the seat against the door so Maeve could sit across his lap, Hotch frowned at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's illegal to sit like that," he shut the door on them and got into the driver's seat, Derek grinned at them from the passengers. Spencer made no move other than to click the seatbelt around Maeve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"The others are meeting us there, and we're all staying the night," Hotch said, calmly but sternly. Spencer rather felt like he was getting told off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"That's the deal I made with the EMT since they were both ready to take you in for shock - speaking of which cover yourself with that blanket." Derek reached back at his words, pulling it down from the back of the seats and shoving it at Spencer with a grin.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. perfection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Its been 3 months since Dianne Turner died. 3 months since any of the rest of the team have seen Maeve. 2 months since Spencer took an entire month off - easily done with his much accumulated leave - to be with Maeve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In those two months; Spencer hasn't really spoken about Maeve at all. This isn't entirely surprising since Spencer doesn't actually speak about anything in his life at all. It's not that he doesn’t love them; it just doesn't occur to him to do so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They've been hesitant to ask. They hadn't even known She existed; though Blake quietly admitted that she did know but even that was entirely by chance. He had been caught in the act.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Spencer hadn't even met Maeve - had never even seen her before that night. It's troubling and painful for a multitude of reasons. They put aside the painful reason - that the only Maeve, Spencer might have know could've been a scant few words, a teary face and a corpse - to focus on one they can fix.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Garcia does a full background check on one Maeve Donovan. They don't discuss it at work but at a team dinner that Spencer misses (deliriously happy and running off to Maeve). It's much like the files she pulls out for unsubs and victims except this one is helpfully colour coded in pink and purple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The life of Maeve Donovan complete in their hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's incredibly intelligent - not quite Spencer but then no one is - she managed to get her own doctorate fairly quickly and had a job lined up ready to go that on paper she was vastly unqualified for. Her superiors had nothing but praise. Maeve's published papers and research that are internationally acclaimed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then it all disappears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first sign is in her emails and phone bill. Desperate emails and calls to companies about how she hadn't received any letters or her bills. Begging for extensions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They watch it all play out on paper. How the stress and fear gets to her; emails from colleagues, friends. Phone calls from phone boxes around the city that don't even make a minute. A police record that her apartment had been broken into while she was at work  but nothing had been taken.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dianne had been taunting her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maeve takes a sabbatical. Her credit card shows her steady decline in leaving the house. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She meets Spencer. Online. Spencer begging for help with his headaches - a plea for something that didn't include the words "psychosomatic". Their heart aches; they hadn't realised how desperate he really was till they read his little posts, rating pain and stating how long and how often the headaches were.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maeve takes him seriously. And her internet history - which was most certainly not legally attained, Garcia - shows her hours of research for anything and everything that could possible help him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They email back and forth, the two of them talking about anything and everything almost entirely by mistake. They send letters as well apparently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every Sunday there's another call from random phone boxes around the city - some last for minutes but sometimes up to an hour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The food has long since gone cold but they've poured over every inch of Maeve Donovan. They feel as elated as they do guilty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There's profiles they could give on the tips of there tongues about her distant, neglectful relationship with her parents, her friends that were so easily forgotten, meticulous spending but-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She's perfect for Spencer. He's perfect for Maeve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They drink, reheat the food and resolve to never ever tell Spencer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had many little bits and pieces from this ~verse~ and I guess people are interested? Oop. They're all very cliche and icky so enjoy.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>do people even read cm anymore let alone cry about maeve? err</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>